Naming Emotions to Calm Them

Psychiatrist and neuroscientist Daniel Siegel, a professor at UCLA and one of the pioneers of ‘interpersonal neurobiology,’ popularized a phrase that has become a cornerstone of mindful parenting: ‘name it to tame it.’ The idea is as simple as it is backed by neuroimaging evidence: when a child — though this applies to adults too — is overwhelmed by an intense emotion like anger, fear, or frustration, the more rational part of the brain, the one capable of reasoning and calming down, temporarily takes a back seat to the more instinctive, emotional regions.

Putting into words what’s being felt, calmly and without judgment — ‘I can see you’re really angry because…,’ or simply ‘I’m feeling anxious right now’ — helps reactivate that very rational part of the brain, reducing the subjective intensity of the emotion. Neuroimaging studies led by Siegel and colleagues, along with later research from other groups, show that activity in the amygdala — the brain structure associated with fear and alarm responses — visibly decreases the moment a person finds the right words to describe what they’re feeling.

Applying this at home doesn’t require clinical training: next time a child — or a partner, or you yourself — is overwhelmed by a strong emotion, the first useful step isn’t jumping straight to a solution, but simply, calmly naming what’s happening. That’s often already enough of a first step to start calming down, even before tackling whatever triggered the emotion in the first place.

Sources

• Siegel, D.J. & Bryson, T.P. (2011). The Whole-Brain Child.
• Neuroimaging studies on ‘affect labeling’ and amygdala activity (Lieberman et al., UCLA).